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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. But, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise in relationships. Her spouse left her, and it was a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances vanished during that time, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, and must have realised more acutely the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Over the years, many close to her vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer turned on her, even though she was highly competent, her exit happened unaware of why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we have each left the workforce leading to more time together, however, I feel the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce subjects and she changes them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I try to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She has been planning a holiday abroad I have traveled to many times and resided in for some time. I attempted to offer personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She really only wanted my agreement with her plans. I've just ended four weeks in that place and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate in this role who abandons suddenly without explanation, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of working things out requires bravery and openness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially involves describing how things go during your discussions. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like an unbiased account. The second is to tell how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute here. What you feel are your feelings, of course. Finally is to question how you are both can shift the pattern in your relationship."

Remember she too holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to hear that. One effective method is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be successful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss your concerns, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they have a version of their life they cannot abandon as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could initially present this way before reflecting your perspective. And even if you never reach a fix, you'll have peace knowing you were honest with her.