Those Advice from My Dad Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger reluctance to talk between men, who often absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a show of being weak to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to take a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, tell a friend, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my role is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."